CYPRUS: I Escaped Abuse and Now I Am Thriving

After surviving decades of abuse, author, advocate, and researcher Elena Georgiou channeled her grief into helping others find a path to healing.

“There is life after abuse, and I am living proof. I said yes to me, and I want other women to be able to do the same.”

Elena Georgiou

I lived in an abusive environment from childhood into adulthood. Growing up, I faced physical, emotional, and verbal abuse from my parents. I had dreams to leave my country and study abroad at a university, but my parents had other dreams for me to marry and have children. I was looking for an exit door. When I started dating my future husband at age 18, I imagined he could offer the affection that I never received at home. I thought I would gain my freedom, but instead, my life became a scary movie. 

I endured my husband's abuse for 20 years before I managed to escape. In this abusive marriage, I wasn’t allowed to work or socialize. I stayed home for 10 years raising my children. One day I decided to apply for a job and started working at the university. When my abuser found out, he beat me. It was the first time I stood up for myself. I insisted I continue working, despite his objections. 

As I escaped the cycle of violence, I was not alone. I asked for help from others for the first time because there was no way out without help. I worked with therapists and friends to help me stand on my own two feet. After years of research, I found out that we carry layers of conditioning, behaviors, and attitudes from generation to generation. I cannot blame my parents for carrying on the violence they learned from their parents. The only way to transition out of this situation is to break the chains that are keeping us stuck and become our true authentic selves.

I gained my freedom but after the divorce, as I processed the trauma I had endured and began the healing journey, the bank in Cyprus took all my money and possessions. I had signed for my ex-husband to get a loan when I was married to him, and the bank took everything away from me because he never paid it. My dad and ex-husband joined forces to tell my children lies and turn them against me. Not only did I lose my possessions, but my children. On top of this, I was not included in my family’s will when my dad died.

Looking back, I can see that my parents and ex-husband brought my guilt, shame, and internal devaluation to the surface. I tried to speak with logic, to approach with love, to help, to forgive, to lead them on the right path, but I always found a wall. It was a wall that I hit repeatedly until I was emotionally injured. They might have loved me, but not in the way I deserved to be loved. 

I’ve learned to let go of these kinds of people, even if they are family members. It’s a lonely road but one that gives you a chance to meet others along the way who are more loving. 

At first, I didn't know what was next for me. I couldn't understand why everything I did backfired so hard. Life had no meaning. I stopped doing what I most loved: writing, journaling, and inspiring people. I forgot who I was and my value. I couldn't stand to look into the mirror because I couldn't recognize that person staring back at me. I was drained and lost. 

One moment when I felt like a lost cause, something inside of me told me I had enough. I wanted to come back to me, heal myself, and do my inner work. To be able to reach wholeness, I had to forgive not only myself but others. I needed to transition out of the abusive environments that had surrounded me once and for all. I wanted to find the freedom I had sought as a young woman.

I fought back. I said yes to life, yes to me, yes to my truth. 

Despite all odds, I won.

I won back my voice.

I won back my power. This brings me to who I am today.

I became a survivor and I’m now a thriving star. At the age of 38, 15 years ago, I passed the entrance exams to enter university and fulfill my childhood dreams. Although I was heartbroken, I found the courage to enter the University of Cyprus, where I worked and studied to change my life for the better. I wanted to be able to teach and train people –– to share my wisdom, knowledge, and lessons with them. 

During my studies, I researched the causes of domestic violence in Cyprus. I looked at ways to improve legislation gaps and reduce abuse. I also did a case study on gender-based violence for my master’s thesis. I create policies and procedures for a new university office dealing with gender-based violence. As a result of my work, the university instituted my recommendations.

I am also a certified vocational trainer and certified life skill coach, and I love helping people on their healing journey. I am passionate about inspiring people and my goal is to inspire them through my writing and stories. I am a published author of three books.

Outside of my creative and healing work, I work in student welfare services at the University of Cyprus, where I’ve helped young people for 22 years now, with their housing needs. According to their social-economic status, they either get approved to stay in the halls of the university, or I help them find private homes outside the University. 

Last year, these experiences of helping others inspired me to run for the Parliament of Cyprus. Although I lost the election, I had the opportunity to speak about abuse, present my research, and share my recommendations on what needs to be done to create change in my country. I created a proposal to bring change in the legislation of Cyprus. 

My proposal for improvements in Cyprus’ legislation gaps:

1. Require compensation paid to the victim by the perpetrator.

2. Provide free representation of a lawyer to all victims.

3. Courts must sell and distribute properties and require loans to be repaid equitably so that the victim does not continue to suffer secondary and repeated victimization from the abuser, as happened in my case. Victims shouldn’t have to lose all of their money and possessions when they escape an abusive relationship.

4. Create a central database among the police, welfare system, and court for recording domestic violence to protect the victims from secondary victimization in court. There is no monitoring of the perpetrators by authorities in Cyprus. I faced secondary victimization from the court while my abuser was set free, paying a small amount for the repeated abuse he caused me instead of going to jail. When abusers perpetrate violence, we need documentation to protect victims from further abuse.

5. Create shelters for perpetrators to learn zero tolerance of abuse.

6. Create a specialist center for victims to report incidents as well to provide them with psychological and financial support amid court proceedings until the victims recover from the cycle of violence.

7. Educate children on issues related to violence to help change the social norms that currently prevail.

My experience taught me that women endure abuse for many reasons: the existence of children, financial dependence, traditional perceptions that the father is considered necessary, and the fear of abandonment that she will not succeed alone. Many women are unable to see alternative ways out of their relationships, trying to focus on survival within it. I believe that recommendations like mine can help women to overcome abuse. 

There is life after abuse, and I am living proof. As long as we are alive, all things are possible. There’s no age limit for our dreams. Even if we experience bad things in our lives, we should never give up. I said yes to me, and I want other women to be able to do the same. 

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