How I Convinced a King to Decry Domestic Violence

Busayo Obisakin shares how her organization convinced traditional rulers to sign an oath to eradicate violence against women and girls.

I made them realize how their communities could develop when women and girls are respected and allowed to discover and maximize their potential instead of being molested, abused, and battered. 

Busayo Obisakin

The eyes of the traditional rulers and chiefs were set upon me, and I could tell they were judging me as a troublemaker. I was on the hot seat for two hours, answering their questions. I answered questions like “Can a man be wrong since he is the head of the home and whatever he does is right?” and “Don’t women who disobey deserve to be punished?”. 

By the end of our dialogue, the kings from Keredolu and Moro towns in Nigeria signed an oath decrying domestic violence. My organization, Women Inspiration Development Center (WIDC), had convinced them to join hands with us to eradicate violence against women and girls in their communities. It all started in April 2022, when we began collaborating with a research organization called Women Advocates Research and Documentation Center (WARDC). Together, we reached out to villages and towns to get community leaders' and stakeholders’ support and buy-in to eradicate violence against women.  

Forty-eight percent of Nigerian women have experienced at least one form of violence since the COVID-19 pandemic began, according to a UN Women report. The Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Team (DSVRT) reported handling 10,007 cases of domestic and sexual violence involving men, women, and children from May 2019 to August 2021. 

Violence against women is a pervasive problem in Nigerian culture, and traditional rulers and elders set the culture. That’s why we decided to reach out to these groups to see what could be done. Before the conversation, we visited the communities and told them about the partnership we wanted to establish, asking if they were willing and ready for this kind of relationship. We gave them a letter on the first visit, and on the second visit we discussed the project modality and goals of our efforts. After these visits, the community head organized the stakeholder meeting.

I led the WIDC team of ten to two towns, where we met with the monarchs, traditional chiefs, traditional women leaders, and other stakeholders so that we could add their voices to the chorus of those condemning violence against women. We first met with 25 representatives in each of these communities and later with larger groups of about 90 people. 

During the meetings, I was anxious. I worried about the deeply ingrained patriarchal beliefs that many in the community held. I imagined that most of the community leaders would attempt to negate our program because of the patriarchal nature of Nigerian society. They tried — but I was prepared for their questions.

Our team talked about how our work could result in women having unprecedented power. The male stakeholders dreaded this because they believed it would reduce their influence in their homes and communities. When the questions started coming, I became nervous and realized how consequential this moment was. How I answered the questions could make or mar millions of women’s lives. I took a deep breath and took my time to answer their questions clearly and calmly. 

And so, when that question came — “Can a man be wrong since he is the head of the home and whatever he does is right?” — I explained that men could be wrong because it is human to make mistakes, and nobody is above that. By the time I was finished with my rational explanation, the traditional leaders all agreed with me.

I assured the men that we intended to bring peace and harmony to their homes and communities, that we were not there to cause trouble or disempower them. I went on to explain that when we talk about women and girls, we are talking about their mothers, wives, and daughters who deserve respect as human beings contributing to the world.

I helped them realize how their communities could develop when women and girls are respected and allowed to discover and maximize their potential instead of being molested, abused, and battered. 

When I was done, they understood that when women are allowed to contribute to the communities’ economies, poverty will be reduced. They saw that when women are allowed to be part of leadership bodies, their wealth of wisdom will uplift the whole community. When there is peace in the home, the community will be peaceful.

Together we examined the financial, economic, and social benefits that happen when women have voices. At the end of our dialogue, the leaders agreed that they needed to protect their mothers, wives, and daughters rather than expose them to violence because of their pride. 

Then, the moment we had been waiting for happened. These traditional leaders and chiefs signed the oath and pledged that violence against women and girls would be a thing of the past in their communities.

But their commitment went even further than a pledge. At the end of the dialogue and town square meetings, the communities created Community Response Teams (CRT) based on WARDC’s initiative. CRTs are teams that respond to issues of violence at the community level. They are able to arrest perpetrators and charge them in court to get justice for survivors. They can also find a way to settle issues of violence with the help of community leaders without any legal steps. CRTs act as a mediator and advocate for survivors.

Within a few weeks of establishing the CRTs, members committed to hosting sensitization trainings with our team for community churches, mosques, marketplaces, and schools. To date, we have recorded 11 domestic violence cases that we amicably resolved with the help of community leaders. More than 200 men in each community have signed pledges that violence against women and girls will no longer happen in their homes.

Imagine if this project spread to all the communities in Nigeria, to all the countries in Africa, and around the world. In the next five years, imagine what Nigeria will look like, what our world will look like, and what the lives of women and girls will look like. Women in Nigeria will have a voice, they will be confident to venture into positions of leadership, and as they do this, they will be contributing their quota to the development of our communities and country.

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