SIERRA LEONE: Outside the Normal

Fatmata Selina Kabba defied societal norms in her community and learned to embrace her authentic self.

“At this age, I’ve realized that, like many other kids, I just had a mind of my own. Being loving is not a weakness, and we shouldn’t be responsible for how people respond to the energy we give.” 

In my hometown, girls learned to act a certain way – “the normal way.” When I was 5 years old, I was so bold my community dubbed me the “stubborn, talkative child.” While other children were afraid of adults, I spoke up. My mother, however, disapproved of my noisy nature, often complaining that I was too curious and that such behavior was deemed unacceptable for girls.

As the months passed, I decided to talk less and play with the boys. This experience introduced me to exciting games, although I was unaware that mingling with the opposite gender was frowned upon. My auntie warned my mother that if they didn’t rein in this wild child, I would end up pregnant before even reaching high school.

My mother took me to church to tame what she perceived as a spirit within me. The pastor told me I should be loving, quiet, and mild like Christ. I obeyed and tried to please everyone around me, but as I grew older, people complained I was too chicken-hearted.

As a teenager, I desperately wanted to be heard, so I became a troublemaker. As usual, my family didn’t spare the rod; they flogged me until I had blisters, as “that was the way to make a child change.” By age 15, I had become an outcast, my voice silenced. Acting introverted felt unnatural to me, but I aimed to please my parents, and it was only a short time until I became a people pleaser. I couldn’t make mistakes; everything was linked to being a good religious girl.

At 18, I did not feel accepted at home, so I settled for whatever the street offered: bread crumbs, Margot-meat, and side chick positions to guys. The culture surrounding me damaged my self-esteem, and it seemed as if the world were crumbling beneath my feet.

By 19, every drop of blood in me screamed for me to let it out. I concealed my wounds beneath a facade of motivational phrases. I kept saying I was fine, I could handle it, I was a boss lady, and I was strong.

None of it worked. I kept losing weight and looking sad. Tearfully, I told my brother, “I feel like I’m depressed and dying.” He simply smiled and said, “You’ll be fine because we all are depressed in this part of the world. It’s normal.”

And so, I suppressed my feelings until depression became my new normal. At this age, I’ve realized that, like many other kids, I just had a mind of my own. Being loving is not a weakness, and we shouldn’t bear the burden of how others respond to the energy we give. 

If only my parents had recognized I was a child, a human with individuality, not merely an asset or property. Healing is hard but is possible. It was challenging, but I chose to heal to reclaim myself. I knew if I didn’t address the broken energy within me, it had the potential to harm not only myself but others.

If depression is normal in my society, I’m okay with being “outside the normal.” If I could talk to teenagers, I would tell them to love every part of themselves and find purpose. I would tell parents to break the cycle of belittling their children. 

Let's work together to create a world where girls feel accepted and loved for who they are. Join me on this journey “outside the norm,” where authenticity and self-love can help build a brighter, more inclusive world.

STORY AWARDS

This story was published as part of World Pulse's Story Awards program. We believe every woman has a story to share, and that the world will be a better place when women are heard. Share your story with us, and you could receive added visibility, or even be our next Featured Storyteller! Learn more.