The mental load: How women carry invisible stress & how to manage it
Mar 6, 2025
Story
Seeking
Encouragement
Tanatswa Chingwe
Zimbabwe
Jul 8
Joined Jul 3, 2024
The mental strain of constantly thinking ahead, planning, and managing expectations creates a heavy burden. If you are carrying the mental load alone this can be incredibly overwhelming and cause emotional and mental burnout that can ultimately result in pent up resentment toward your partner and family. So, recognising and redistributing these responsibilities is crucial for better balance and mental well-being. Have you ever experienced burnout from carrying the mental load? How did you manage it? Let us know in the comment!
The term 'mental load' has made a buzz on social media over recent years, with women coming out and telling their stories of their mental and physical exhaustion that has often led to them resenting their partners and, sometimes, their families as a result of bearing the "mental load", but what exactly is it - the concept of "mental load" refers to the often invisible and continuous cognitive effort required to manage household and family responsibilities. This includes planning, organising, scheduling, and anticipating the family's needs. Typically, the primary caregiver, often women, carry the bulk of this load.
Here are some common examples:
1. Managing Household Logistics
Keeping track of grocery lists and household supplies.
Planning and preparing meals for the family.
Ensuring bills are paid on time and managing finances.
Scheduling home maintenance (plumbing, repairs, cleaning services).
2. Childcare & Parenting Responsibilities
Remembering school schedules, homework deadlines, and extra activities.
Arranging doctor’s appointments, vaccinations, and dentist visits.
Coordinating playdates, birthday parties, and family outings.
Packing lunches, washing school uniforms, and keeping track of school projects.
3. Emotional Labour
Providing emotional support to family members and friends.
Mediating conflicts within the household.
Remembering birthdays, anniversaries, and special occasions for both
immediate and extended family.
Writing thank-you notes, sending holiday cards, and buying gifts.
4. Workplace & Career Load
Balancing work responsibilities with home life.
Remembering office deadlines, meetings, and work-related events.
Managing networking and professional relationships.
Dealing with gender biases and the expectation to "do it all."
5. Mental Checklist for Partner & Family
Keep track of a partner’s appointments, work events, and commitments.
Reminding a spouse about family responsibilities or social events.
Anticipating and addressing the needs of elderly parents or other dependents.
6. Self-Care Often Takes a Backseat
Feeling guilty for taking time for oneself.
Struggling to prioritise personal health, fitness, or relaxation.
Constantly managing competing priorities, leaving little room for self-care.
While these tasks may seem small on their own, the mental strain of constantly thinking ahead, planning, and managing expectations, alone, creates a heavy burden. Recognising and redistributing these responsibilities is crucial for better balance, mental well-being and harmony in the home.
If this list resonates with you, worry not, there are ways to manage the mental load!
Here are some Practical Strategies to Manage the Mental Load:
1. Divide Tasks, Don’t Delegate
Instead of assigning tasks piecemeal, divide entire responsibilities so each partner manages all aspects of a task, from planning to execution. For example, if one person handles laundry, they are responsible for noticing when it needs to be done, purchasing detergent, and completing the process. This approach ensures both partners share the cognitive load.
2. Set Clear Boundaries and Communicate
Open discussions about each partner's responsibilities can prevent misunderstandings. Regularly reassessing and adjusting these roles ensures a fair distribution of tasks and reduces the likelihood of one person becoming overwhelmed.
3. Utilize Technology for Organization
Leveraging technology can help manage the mental load. For instance, apps like Goldee use AI to organize information and allocate tasks, saving parents significant time and stress. Such tools can streamline household management and reduce the cognitive burden.
4. Practice Self-Care and Mindfulness
Taking time for oneself is crucial. Engaging in regular physical activity, ensuring adequate sleep, and practicing mindfulness can enhance mental fitness, making it easier to handle daily stresses. These habits improve cognitive function and emotional resilience.
5. Learn to Say No
Overcommitting can exacerbate the mental load. Recognizing personal limits and declining additional responsibilities when overwhelmed is essential. Setting boundaries is a vital aspect of self-care and helps maintain mental well-being.
By implementing these practical strategies, women can better manage the invisible stresses associated with the mental load, leading to improved well-being, more balanced relationships and a happy home.
